driving through the struggle

I got my permit when I was 16.

It was January of 2019. I failed my first test, so I felt so relieved walking out of the DMV after passing. But my driving career was cut short when only a few months later, we left for Thailand.

I really didn't start driving again at all until the end of last year. Learning how to drive a manual; on the right side of the road and vehicle; took me way longer than expected for multiple reasons.

The number one reason was that I was terrified. I felt so scared of all the unknowns. I didn't want to push myself out of my comfort zone more than I had to. It wasn't how I expected to be learning how to drive.

But Lilyann (who is actually back right now for a visit) pushed me to at least start trying. She would sit in the passenger side of the truck as I would make laps around the pond, practicing shifting. She coached me through all the things to do. But after she left, I went a long stretch without driving at all.

March was the first time I drove off the property by myself, and that was maybe two miles away.

In April, though, Abs and I got a car. It's an automatic, and that was all I really cared about. I had so much less to think about, and I could really focus on learning to drive without the extra hurdles.

After getting comfortable with that, I had no problem driving the van.

I now drive our high schoolers to school every day in the big, old, noisy van, and I don't even have to think about it.

God stretched me before He let me have the easy. He pushed me to do something I was afraid of even when the desire wasn't there. In my mind, I made it into something much bigger than it actually was (which, of course, I rarely do).

I think sometimes God will let the fear creep in so that we learn to give it to Him. A lot of times, the things I have to work harder to hand over to Him are super small. Something that shouldn't have been a problem, to begin with. But I struggle.

He understands the struggle, though, and is able to bring good from it. I don't want to miss the blessing once I get through to the other side.