When we were about to move to Thailand, I was 16. I had grown up with the dream of being a missionary at some point. I just didn't know it would be then.
My parents had talked about moving across the US multiple times, but that never went anywhere. So when they mentioned moving to Thailand, I thought it was a great idea, as long as that was where it stopped.
When we started actually getting stuff ready to leave, I started to panic. This wasn't what I had signed up for, and it scared me. Gone were all my dreams about becoming a missionary. They were replaced with fear and dread. I didn't want to leave.
The months leading up to us leaving were terrifying in so many ways. I couldn't comprehend living that far away from everyone and everything I knew, and I really didn't do anything to help myself with that. I was almost angry about it.
The day we left, I cried at the airport more times than I can count. I asked God why we had to go so much; He was probably annoyed haha. I was still scared and still angry.
Getting there, I felt trapped. I was stuck in a country I didn't know anything about. I laid on the bed in my parent's room crying. When my mom asked me what they could do to help, I said, "Go back to America." They ended up canceling what we were going to do that day.
I finally started to feel peace about it all when we found a house in Sukhothai. I felt like maybe I could get used to everything. I started to actually ask God to help me to be happy and willing to serve Him. That's when I started to find the joy in life again.
God was teaching me how to put myself aside in ways that I didn't want to learn. He was showing me that I wasn't created to make myself happy and comfortable but to find that happiness in Him. Not even just happiness, but joy.
We ended up with two kids about two weeks after we moved to Sukhothai (a month in Thailand). They forced me to direct my focus on something other than myself. Those first few months were some of the hardest, but also the place where I grew the most.
I've never been more thankful for the times I struggle and have to ask God for help. Those past experiences are teaching me that stressing through life doesn't anything. You have to turn those concerns over to the only One that can actually help.
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