The morning was dark.
I had gotten up early with the kids, making sure that they stayed on schedule for the day. Worship went well, but I was tired, really tired. The next thing on the checklist was breakfast. As I walked around the silver tables, I saw eggs! They were a sight for sore eyes! Something safe that I could eat without wondering what flavor or texture would greet my tongue. Now I was looking forward to being able to sit down with a bowl of rice and some eggs, but the kids came first.
As I asked if anyone wanted to serve, many hands shot up into the air. “Wonderful!” I thought, “I can sit down and let the kids serve, and then I can just breathe for a few seconds." (This particular morning was the last morning in my series of overnight shifts while Robbie was in the hospital, but a spiritual application for it just recently came to me). I eagerly waved several of the volunteers up and showed them what to serve, and then took a step back and proceeded to call tables.
Soon Abi showed up, and the serving finished, but horror greeted my eyes as I walked around the serving tables. Almost all the eggs were gone! I wanted to be angry; I wanted to almost cry, and I determined to never let it happen again.
Obviously, the servers just needed more practice with the portions, but this event threw me into an overwhelming temptation to micro-manage everything: the eggs, the ketchup, the activities, etc. And I am ashamed of my reaction.
I want to be able to just let go of the small things, but it's a process for me. I'm finding that trying to be perfect and holding myself to such a high standard, is really not good for me to do. I need to practice letting go and letting things not be perfect. The phrase, “Let go and let God,” is so true and yet, so hard to follow.
I think, as Christians, we see the picture of a loving God, a picture of grace and mercy, and it's so easy to apply to others, but not to ourselves. Why is that? We see others make mistakes, and it's so easy to tell them that if they ask for forgiveness and repent, God will forgive them. Sometimes it's even easy to forgive them ourselves, but why do we break ourselves down and feel unworthy of any forgiveness when we make a mistake?
Maybe I'm alone in these problems, but I don't think that I am. It is so hard for me to let go, to let God take control, to let things be imperfect in my sight. Letting go can take many forms for me; maybe it’s as simple as letting the kids get dirty for the sake of fun, or maybe, it’s more complicated, like letting go of my guilt or worry.
If I think about it, there are many examples of things that I need to let go of, and I’m sure that you can also think of some that apply to you. So, as I work on letting go, I would invite you to join me.
Let’s focus on letting go of things more and truly surrendering everything to God.
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