I was sitting on the swing in front of the dorms, and I felt so at peace. The kids were doing their memory verses, and for just a second, everything seemed perfect. I didn't know what would happen for the rest of the day. I didn't know how many more times I'd let Satan get to me, but what I did know is that God had everything under control.
We have a manual washing machine. You fill it with water and drain it multiple times throughout the cycle. After the wash cycle is done, you move it over to the spinner to spin all the water out. This is where things go downhill. It's super important that the weight is evenly distributed throughout the spinner, or it hits the sides of the washer and is really loud and annoying. If it does that, you have to readjust everything and try again.
I honestly don't know why, but without fail, every time it starts banging against the sides, I get unreasonably angry. I could've been having the best day up until that point, and still, this anger rises in me. A lot of times, it's just a matter of pushing the plastic thing that sits on top of the clothes down a little more. I laugh at myself after the fact because it doesn't make any sense. There isn't much that makes me feel that way, but apparently, this small inconvenience does.
I want things to go perfectly and smoothly the first time around (I'm not just referring to the washer here). When I have to work a little harder or take more time to complete something, I get annoyed.
I've been reading a book recently, and it talks about when we're doing something that makes us uncomfortable and scared, most likely it's something that's going to bring us the most happiness. I'm not saying that I think the washer is going to bring me a lot of joy in life, but I do think we take being scared and uncomfortable as cues that we're not supposed to do new or hard things. I know that for me I grow the most when I'm outside of my comfort zone.
When other people are treading new ground and are hesitant about moving forward, it's a lot easier for me to see how it could benefit them. But when it's me, I don't feel as convinced. Purposely putting myself in that position doesn't seem smart, but I know from personal experience that it wouldn't be smart to not do it.
God doesn't promise that everything will be easy for us, but that He'll be with us through the process. He'll help us overcome those things and grow us along the way.
I just have to add this in because I think it's too cute not to share. Last night for showers, I brought Bpao so she could shower at my house. After she was done and we had combed through her hair for lice, I told her she could sit down and color. I turned on some music for her to listen to and settled back to read my book. I knew it wouldn't be long before she got bored and wanted something different to do. To my surprise though, she sat there singing along with the parts of the songs that repeated until it was time to go to supper.
One thing to know about her is that she usually has a lot to say and so many questions to ask. But in that moment, she was so at peace that it made me feel relaxed to just watch her.
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