And just like that, it is over. My time in Thailand has come to an end. How do I end a chapter that holds so much of my heart?
I arrived here filled with questions and submerged in unknowns. I knew no one at Ban Tha Yim, what I would be doing, or even why God had brought me here. 4 months and 6 days later, I leave a different person.
I am currently in the air on my first of four flights that make up my journey home. I am grateful, in a way, for this time to reflect and prepare.
Someone asked me this morning if it was harder to leave home or to leave to go home. The two are difficult to compare honestly. I had the hardest goodbye ever when I left my boyfriend behind to follow where God was leading. But this time, I had nearly 40 heartbreaking goodbyes. Coming here, I had a return date, I knew that I would be reunited with home, and familiar in 4 months. Now, as I leave, I have no idea for certain if or when I will be able to return. No matter how much I want to, I can’t see the future. Leaving home, my sadness grew with the distance. Now, it is heartbreak mixed with excitement. In 36hrs I will be reunited with my people! But I know what my life at home looks like, and when I compare that to life here, it comes up short every time.
I had no idea the impact each person that has shaped this experience would have on me. It would be impossible to put it all into words. I am leaving a piece of my heart here. I made
friendships I hope will last a lifetime and gained 2 dozen more siblings. The memories and packed camera roll I take with me will forever bring me smiles.
I don’t think it has even hit me yet. Despite all the tears, all the goodbye hugs, and all the “I love you’s.”
Everything is changing again.
I think I'm beginning to see that this chapter doesn’t have to end. Maybe, it was just the introduction to the rest of my book. The things God taught me, and the ways He grew me have become my foundation for navigating the future.
I love every one of those kids and I plan on doing my best to maintain relationships with them from across the world. I want to remain a part of their lives and watch them grow. I will pray for them and learn how to continue showing I care from afar. Maybe God will bring me back, who knows? I can certainly hope. I know His plan is best. So I will keep learning to follow him wherever, whenever, whatever.
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