windy serenity

I've come to the conclusion that riding a motorbike with the wind in your face is a type of therapy. On my worst days, I feel like I can breathe and think a little better when I go somewhere on the motorbike. It's to find the things that comfort me that I wouldn't expect.

Today was one of those days. Nothing in particular happened, but I was feeling grumpy. I said things that I wish I hadn't and had to apologize on multiple occasions. No one was acting any differently or doing anything wrong, but I allowed myself to take out on them what I was feeling.

And what was I feeling? Tired mostly but also annoyed because I hadn't completed the goals I had set for myself. I slacked, and I did it purposely, so I was mad at myself. But instead of recognizing why I felt the way I did, I pushed that onto other people.

I tend to do that. I don't deal with my emotions and take them to God, and then they get bigger than I can handle. I then take them out on the people around me. I create more problems for myself by trying to have an outlet for my emotions because I don't do what I know I need to.

Sometimes I think God must look down and wonder how we can get it so wrong when He has made it so clear. Thankfully, He doesn't think the way we do, for which I am so glad because I would've given up on everything that has to do with the human race a long time ago.

At the beginning of this post, I talked about how I find therapy when I'm able to ride the motorbike and feel the wind in my face. Today one of our kids was convinced that we needed to go swimming. She said she was hot and was ready to go right at that moment. We told her if the pool close to our house was open on Sunday that we'd take them. She wanted to go and check right away. I ended up taking her and another one of the girls so they could ask. It's just down the road from us, so it only took about five minutes total, but it felt like a reset.

I felt like I could breathe easier, and I was able to pray. I don't even know what I prayed, but I feel like it helped me through the rest of the day.

I'm extremely thankful for how God takes care of us in the most personable ways. He knows the way to reach us, and He uses what He knows.